Time to get back in the grove of school, breaks over and it’s back to another month of work before I can escape home for Thanksgiving. In all honestly, I’ve checked out of school at this point so I have no idea where I’m going to find the energy to care about all these small details that come along with school. I just know it’ll happen because it has too. I’ve never been one to give up and I do really love school, it’s just difficult when all I can think about is graduating. I keep thinking that graduation is less than seven weeks away and then I’ll be able to get out of here and see my boyfriend again and start a new chapter in my life.
Growing up that was always a problem for me, I spend so much time focusing on the future and what’s going to happen that I forget to live in the moment and realize what’s going on around me. Part of me thought this blog would help, I’d have to stop and think about the present when I write but part of me will always be in the future in London. I think it’s only natural at this point, it’s finally happening, I’m finally moving and moving on with life, it’s natural to want to think about it and focus on it. The problem is knowing when I need to snap back to reality and think about the now, I’m not about to let all my hard work fall apart my final semester just because I can’t get my head out of London.
So where am I going to find the motivation to get to Thanksgiving, to get through finals and graduate in December? I’m going to think about how far I’ve come and how I want to graduate with honors, I want to graduate at the level which I know I’m capable. I want to make my family proud of me and my accomplishments, but most importantly, I want to do it for me. I want everyone to know that I’m ready to move on with my life and start a new chapter with an amazing man by my side supporting me.
I find the energy in knowing the harder I work and more effort I put in the less energy I have to worry about missing my boyfriend and feel depressed because I haven’t seen him in months. I’ll still have moments and pains of sadness for missing him and realizing he’s not with me when I need him but it’s never as bad when I have something else to obsess about, so hopefully between these writings and school I’ll manage my finals months of long distance. I just need to find my balance again after break and get back into the grove of school, reading, researching and writing again.
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